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“Your follicles look healthy and big; no wonder you feel swollen. What about your mood?” the doctor asked.

“Well, I’m not a sad person, but yesterday, I was really sad. I don’t even know how to explain it,” I replied.

She laughed (Day 6 of ) As I am writing these lines, I’m the closest I’ve ever been to creating a life. In terms of medical procedure, I undergo a procedure that is completely identical to the process of fertility and eggs improvement.

The main difference is the ultimate goal, and accordingly, my journey is different from other women who want to get pregnant. As I sat in the clinic, waiting for my turn, there were many women around me; each one has a story, and there’s my story.

I decide to write my story to give people a glimpse into an unfamiliar world. I want to give you the opportunity to experience this process with me, and not when it is a vague memory of hormones and swelling in which I put few eggs in the refrigerator. * * * A year ago No, I didn’t get up in the morning and decided to freeze my eggs. It was a process, mainly mental. If I look back, the issue of freezing eggs was not strange to me.

Since my mother told me that she was a BRCA1 gene carrier, the doctors saw fit to tell me that if I was a carrier myself, it would be preferable to remove everything and freeze my eggs. I was 29, and since then that thought never left me. It has become a cognitive conditioning: “If you have the gene, you need to freeze your eggs.” Years passed, I refused to get tested until a year ago. The results were negative, but that thought of frozen eggs was still there. To be honest, I don’t know if I want to be a mother.

Unlike many women, whether single or not, they know or knew that’s what they want (wanted) to be. “Why are you freezing eggs if you don’t want kids?” I have been asked countless times over the past few weeks. Because I can. * * * “You seem ready for a baby. Obviously, you’re ready. You don’t want one?” “It’s time, Hagar.

Look at you; you’re really good with children.” This is the tip of the iceberg for what I was told during my last visit to Israel every time I played with a child or held one. (lifestyle blogger that I like), referred to these questions as in her inspiring blog post regarding this subject. Frankly, I want a Louis Vuitton bag a lot more. A child is not an accessory that you buy online, and if I don’t feel like it, I return it and get a refund or credit. If I’m been totally honest (and I am), I don’t want to be asked about my child plans. However, if you decide to ask, then you should be ready to hear my truth. It’s no secret that from where I come from, the Israeli society, Israeli culture and the Jewish heritage, we are encouraged to multiply without recognition.

It’s okay, as we’re not the only ones. The pressure to reproduce exists no matter where you are. The question is, can you decide for yourself what is right for you without succumbing to this pressure? * * * Have you ever considered the possibility that not everyone wants to be a parent even if they can? Have you ever thought of me or any other woman without children and considered that perhaps our purpose is to do good without being a mother? A few weeks ago, Shiran (a friend and full partner in my process) sent me.

During the interview, she was often asked about the attitude towards her as a woman in Hollywood, gossip, relationships, and about not being a mother. She gave an answer that caught my attention more than anything: “There is a pressure on women to be mothers, and if they are not, then they’re deemed damaged goods. Maybe my purpose on this planet is not to procreate.